Return of the Sitting Practice

One of the big risks when I first sit down for meditation is that I will begin composing a blog post in my head. I don't have a worked out philosophy of what I am doing when I meditate, but planning what to do the next time I sit in front of a computer is not a part of it.

Today I sat down with the zen group, the little bell rang, and I began to write a blog entry in my head. I comment on this to myself: "I am writing a blog post in my head. I will let this pass."

Then I find myself preparing logic questions for tomorrow's quiz. I comment on this to myself: "I am trying to solve a problem in first order logic in my head. I would let this pass, but running over truth tables actually seems sort of meditative." So I begin devising introduction and elimination rules for the nand. This is actually more creative than meditative, but I do not realize how far I am from being mindful until I get this sudden urge to stand up. Why do I have an urge to stand? Because I solved a problem I was working on. Having completed something, I feel like I should stand. This is not mindfulness.

So I begin to recite in my head the reference columns from a truth table: True False True False True False True False True True False False True True False False. My foot is falling asleep. I shouldn't have sat in half lotus. True True True True False False False False. At least my sinuses are clear TFTFTFTF TTFFTTFF TTTTFFFF

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the bell. Walking meditation. I try to be mindful of sensation returning to my leg.

There is a reading about coming out of zen medidation. You should be mindful here. If you have been daydreaming, the bell will startle you. I'm not sure I follow what the author says next. It seems he wants us to carry our medidation into the rest of our lives, and not simply snap back to our daily routine. Maybe I should blog medidation. Maybe writing blogs while meditating isn't so bad.

More sitting. No, I'm wrong. Its silly to think you can be mindful and compose at the same time. TTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFF foot asleep TTFFTTFFTTFFTTFF the guy accros from me checks his watch. I never allow myself to check my watch TTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFF So much time in buddhism. TTFFTTFFTTFFTTFF maybe I should be a realist about temporal passage. TTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFFTTFF