My new career writing copy for organic food packages

I've decided to stop doing environmental philosophy and start writing the copy that appears on the packaging of organic processed food. Here's a sample I wrote on spec:

Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM): Our Commitment Is in Our Quality

When Zombie Ed first told his friends about his vision for a company that sold organically grown human brains, people doubted whether a zombie could really be committed to personal health and the welfare of the planet, or even conduct a simple financial transaction. But everyone could taste how wrong they were when the first jars of Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM) appeared on the shelves of the local general store. Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM) are taken from free range victims with healthy lifestyles, and you can still taste their happy thoughts in every jar of Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM). Now Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM) are available around the world, but we still haven't forgotten our commitment to a healthier planet, and a healthier you. So when you serve a meal of Zombie Ed's Organic Brains(TM) to your family, you can feel good knowing that you aren't just eating food. You are a part of a new and better world.

Organic Rainbow Rings

A few weeks ago I encountered "organic rainbow rings" You can call them "Organic Rainbow Rings" but I know Froot Loops when I see them. Mindful Momma has a comment about these, too. According to her google-fu, they actually are a little bit better than Froot Loops. But, she adds "do we really need organic fruit loops?"