Tuesday, February 01, 2005

bearing a pall

I'm feeling more anxious than I expected over Thursdays funeral. At first I didn't even realize that it was the funeral that was making me anxious. I thought I was worrying about things I had to do before leaving town. Now that I've done most of them, I can tell that it really is the funeral and Grandfather's death that is upsetting me. I didn't expect to grieve. I'd always thought of grandparental deaths as more the stuff of excused class absences than real emotional outburses.

I suppose there's nothing to do but go on with the process. The next step seems to be to say this: like many very outgoing people, Grandfather always had to be the center of attention, which actually was quite irratating. Also, his politics were nothing short of reactionary. Its likely that Ann Coulter's publisher will be at the services. This alone is cause for anxiety.

Plus, I've never been a pall bearer before. This is going to be difficult.

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